• caseytonkin

too much not enough

There's too many things to work on and there's nothing I want to work on. To do or not to do it's all the same.

But anyway the problem, if it is even that, is that I've spent some time going through old stories and things I've written, compiling a nice little folder of anything I think is worthwhile that hasn't yet found itself published anywhere yet. There's a few things I read through and think okay yeah you're fine, I guess. Just a short story. Shorter than a short story. Maybe you'll read them one day.

So I'm sitting here and working on that and reading through old work and it's fine and then but there's always more of it and there's all this longer form stuff as well that I can't be bothered working through because I guess I can't even be bothered properly editing 1,100 words let alone 50,000, 75,000, 100,000 words. You know what I mean?

What I guess I'm trying to say is all there up at the title and that's that it feels like simultaneously there's too much and not enough in this back log. Too many words and not enough quality maybe. Too many hopes and not enough work ethic could be the other thing.

Too much time and not enough energy.

Writing's hard. Can't be bothered. Hate it. Honestly feels like I was poisoned by this idea or whatever that I could do something and be a wRitEr whatever the fuck that means and now I can't be satisfied with anything else because I find it hard to shake the sound of that ticking clock, the feeling that time not spent writing (or reading) is wasted. It's exhausting and I'm tired.

Also I've been drinking which could be part of the motivation thing (or lack thereof) and the mind not working properly thing. Tends to happen a bit with a couple of drinks in the ol' tum tum.

Ugh this is boring. I wonder if we've tied this up to socials so I can just hit a button and send it out? Don't think so yet because I haven't seen that happen yet. How are you seeing this anyway? Like why are you here

Hello. Is anybody there? Is this thing on? Asynchronous communication is difficult.

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